I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
