I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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