So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
