The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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