Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
