There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
