wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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