I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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