Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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