I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
