im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize