So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
