I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
