4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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