I hate your face
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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