He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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