There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
