no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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