I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
