you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
