My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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