sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Congratulations! We have a period
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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