She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
