I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
