absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
