he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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