and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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