I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
