but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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