I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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