I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
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Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
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Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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