Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
