I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
