Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
