and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
