You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
