why do cheetos always look like penises
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
