dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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