She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
