I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
