woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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