just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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