FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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