to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think pants incapable of making pants work
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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