11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
