The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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