Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
