just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Say something about gay babies.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
