I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
