I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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