Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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