I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
