He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
