It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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