she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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