If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Randomize
