I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
