she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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