I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
