i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
True but thats because hes a fetus.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
