Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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