Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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