physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
