Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
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