She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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