I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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