So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
