I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
