So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
