Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
