Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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