i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
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My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
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They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
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