Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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