i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
