sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
