From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
