woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
