Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
